I had just turned Eighteen when I found out that I was.
So many people told me so many things. “You’ve ruined your life.” “You’ll never afford it.” “You’re too young to be a good mum.” “Labour is going to hurt you.” “Birth will ruin your body.” “You’ll never be able to travel.” “You’ll never get a good job or career” “Life will never be the same!” Already an anxious human, my mind filled with doubts as my belly grew round.
His due date came near and I cried. “I don’t know how I will do this!” I thought.
The only thing I knew for certain, was that as I had felt him grow and move inside me, I loved him.
I loved him so much, more than I had ever loved myself, and I wanted to give him everything. Even if I had nothing.
He was born, and my God, it did hurt. But it only lasted a day. I survived. We survived, and he was here.
His bright blue eyes peered up to me with curious inquisition. I held him, soft, heavy and warm in my arms. I couldn’t believe he was real.
The following weeks were hard. I wont lie. I’ve never been more sleep deprived in my life. My body was sore and aching. My nippes were cracked and dry.
He cried all the time. Day and night, and I wondered what I was doing wrong.
I pestered those doctors like crazy. I showed up to clinics every week. I walked the floor with him endlessly.
I changed him, I bathed him, I fed him.
Sometimes, I would just hold him, when nothing else would work, and we would cry together until he would finally sleep.
My son was born with colic, reflux and a rare and painful disease he will have for the rest of his life.
I found out through consistent advocating for my baby and finally getting the referrals I needed to have him seen. Finally, we had an answer and treatment for his pain.
Three months in, at 3am, I woke up to his noises. I moved over to his bassinette, by the side of my bed. One eye half open and the other struggling to wake. He peered up at me with his big soulful eyes, and suddenly, he grinned the biggest, happiest grin I had ever seen.
I gasped.. and held my mouth tightly as tears streamed down my face. I couldnt help it, my mouth grew into a big smile too. “Hi! Hello, my gorgeous boy!” I said.
My life was certainly not ruined. I afforded what I needed to just fine. As the years went by I did better. I was the best mum my son could have asked for, because I did everything he needed plus more, and loved him with all of my heart. Labour did hurt, but it ended too. Birth did not ruin my body.
I have travelled and built a career.
The only thing they got right, was that life would never be the same. It’s TRUE. It’s not.
My life is so much better with my son here by my side.